“You can’t have a harmoni ous relationship and hold on to your resentment, too. You can’t hold on to your anger and bit terness and still have a healthy heart and a settled stomach.” —Eric Butterworth

How to deal effectively with the negative energy of anger and resentment is something we all struggle with.

Medical studies have proven that long-held anger and resentment damage our physical and emotional well-being, eating away at our minds, bodies and relationships.

Someone once said that holding resentment toward another person is like drinking arsenic and hoping the person you are resenting dies.

Buddha put it another way: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

This helps put it into perspective, doesn’t it?

Resentment is simply re-sent anger.

It is the mental and emotional act of repeatedly re-sending toxic and negative energy through our own minds and bodies.

This is not to diminish the fact that many of us may have legitimate reasons to be angry toward another person. Sometimes people do thoughtless and even cruel things to each other.

However, stop and think about it: Does holding on to resentment serve you in a positive, life-affirming way? Most likely the answer is no.

In many cases, the person or people we hold in resentment don’t even know or care, or worse yet, some of them are already in the grave, but we are still allowing them to hold us hostage to the past. Isn’t it time to set ourselves free?

What I have discovered is that communication is always the healing balm in relationship issues, and forgiveness is what sets us free.

It’s important to remember that forgiving doesn’t mean we are condoning the actions that evoked our anger—it means we are willing to set ourselves free from the past by not re-sending the toxins of resentment through our mind and body in the future.

As a mindfulness practice, consider making a list of anyone you may be holding in resentment. This could include yourself.

If you are uncertain, go within and ask your wisdomself to reveal where there may be bitterness in your heart. Then, make a commitment to communicate with each person in the appropriate way.

Call them, write them a letter, e-mail them or go and see them.

If they are no longer alive, write a letter and then, in a moment of silence and peace, burn the letter, releasing the resentment as you bury the ashes.

What can make the process easier is remembering that we forgive others for ourselves, not them.

Holding resentment only holds you hostage.

Set yourself free today. Why? Because you love yourself too much to drink arsenic or hold on to hot coals, yes?

Dennis Merritt Jones is a lo cal spiritual mentor, keynote speaker and author of the book “The Art of Being: 101 Ways to Practice Purpose in Your Life.” Contact him at www.DennisMerrittJones.com.