Compassion counts

Once I received a note in response to an article I wrote about the idea that we always have a choice as to whether we see our physical bodies as a blessing or a burden.

The writer shared with me the fact that her 22-year-old nephew was dealing with neurofibromatosis, also known as Elephant Man's disease.

Without going into detail, I can assure you that he and his family were suffering beyond what most of us could ever imagine. She requested that I go more deeply into my sentiment that we all could choose to celebrate the body we have been given by God, given the pain and suffering her nephew was going through.

So today I respond in an open letter to all who have a loved one or a friend or who are themselves facing a similar challenge.

Dear one,

I do sense the pain that has wrapped itself around your sister and her son, and I feel great compassion for them and for you. The name of your nephew's disease is not as important as the fact that there is much pain and suffering for everyone involved.

As we turn our attention to the world, we need not look too far to see that, while the specifics may differ, many people and their families are dealing with extremely painful circumstances. Perhaps even more difficult than the pain and suffering is the lingering question: "Why . . . why me . . . why my child, why, why?"

For as long as we as a species have walked the earth, there has been pain and suffering that we can't easily explain. Why is it that so many bad things happen to so many good people?

It would be spiritually cavalier to dismiss the horrible experiences any human being has in life by saying, as some teachings do, that the suffering is simply the out-picturing of one's karma or fate or, worse yet, God's punishment. While that may be the most convenient way of explaining it away, it most certainly isn't the most compassionate.

For many, it may well bring even more pain, anger and suffering, and potentially even some guilt, and others may not relate to those concepts at all. It also seems that those explanations may be much easier to embrace when it's someone other than ourselves or a loved one who is suffering.

To this end I can only say that these are the instances when we have to be willing to say, "I don't know what this is about" and surrender in trust that God does.

I would strongly recommend two books that may greatly help anyone going through their own personal dark time, asking the unanswerable question, "why?"

Rabbi Harold Kushner wrote a groundbreaking book exploring this question when he penned "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People." He comes from a place of great authenticity because this is a question he asked when his young son was diagnosed with progeria, a rare abnormality characterized by premature and rapid aging.

Author Carolyn Myss responds to the same question from a more metaphysical perspective in her book "Sacred Contracts." Both books are quite amazing and may bring some comfort to those who are suffering.

Perhaps ultimately our peace isn't to be found in the "why" so much as "how": How shall we choose to respond to the challenges that life places on our pathway? Maybe that's where our personal relationship with the universe becomes more meaningful and relevant. Perhaps we don't always need to understand the unexplainable events and conditions to which we are subjected in order to draw value and meaning from our being here.

Is your nephew's body the one that he was meant to occupy while here? If we pause and look more deeply, we see that by his presence here he is assisting many around him—his doctors, you and his family and, most likely, many strangers (including me)—in deepening their ability to be more compassionate. That makes this young man a very important being.

Perhaps compassion is what it's all about because compassion is what the world needs more of right now. Perhaps that is all we need to know.

Dennis Merritt Jones is a local life purpose coach, spiritual mentor, keynote speaker and author of the book "The Art of Being: 101 Ways to Practice Purpose in Your Life." Contact him at www.DennisMerrittJones.com.