Couple's work to save marriages earns them invite to see the Pope
By Carissa Marsh cmarsh@theacorn.com

IRIS SMOOT/Acorn Newspapers HAPPY TOGETHER—Simi Valley couple Tina and Tony Ruiz serve as coordinators for the Santa Clarita chapter of Retrouvaille, a peer-to-peer marriage ministry that helps couples save their relationships. The Ruizes became involved with the program in 1999 after it saved their own marriage and will meet the Pope in September during the ministry's international convention in Rome.

Simi couple Tony and Tina Ruiz will board a long flight to Italy at the end of September to meet with Pope Benedict XVI—not exactly an everyday occurrence for a typical suburban husband and wife.

Then again, the Ruizes aren't typical.

As coordinators for the Santa Clarita chapter of Retrouvaille, an international peer-to-peer marriage ministry, the Ruizes help couples heal their broken relationships, just as the program did for them nearly 10 years ago.

The two married in 1988, when Tina was just 19 and Tony 22. They'd already had a daughter together and three years later had a son. But they just could not get along.

"When you get married that young, no one gives you the book on how to fight fairly," said Tina Ruiz, 40. "We knew we loved each other but we were just trying to survive."

Tina said she and Tony lived the "married single lifestyle," each doing their own thing for years until the marriage just deteriorated. In 1994, the couple separated.

Two years later—by what Tina calls a "miracle"—they reunited, even though they'd both being seeing other people.

"We split up and then somehow, God brought us back together in 1996," said Tony, 43.

But the old problems hadn't disappeared, so in 1999, when they saw a bulletin for Retrouvaille at St. Rose of Lima, they decided to give the program a try.

"After all that we had been through, we knew we were committed to being married; we just knew we needed to find a better way to be married and resolve our conflicts without yelling and screaming," Tina said.

Established in Quebec 31 years ago, Retrouvaille—a French word meaning rediscovery—consists of a weekend experience followed by six post-sessions over three months during which couples learn to listen and communicate effectively.

Three couples who've gone through the program lead the weekend experience along with a priest. The program is Catholic-based, but all faiths are welcome.

Tina said couples need an open mind and a willingness to work on their marriage and to leave the past in the past.

"Wanting to stay married is one thing," she added, "but having the right tools to stay married is the key."

For the past eight years the couple has been giving back to the program that saved their marriage, first as a lead couple and now as community coordinators.

"It changed our life," Tina said, adding that the program helped her realize that you have to work on your marriage every day. "No one is ever perfect. We're certainly continuing to work on it."

Every year, the program holds an international conference for participating couples and community leaders. This year's convention in Rome, from Sept. 26 to 28, is special, however.

Because the Pope supports Retrouvaille's mission to save marriages, his staff responded to a request from the program's international board for a private meeting. The Pope agreed to give 300 Retrouvaille leaders—including the Ruizes—a private mass at Castle Gandolfo, his summer residence an hour northeast of Rome.

When the couple found out the Pope had extended this invitation to Retrouvaille, they were amazed.

"We thought there was no way," Tony said. "We thought they were going to look at (the request) and laugh."

Tina said she still can't fathom the idea.

"I don't even understand the intensity of it right now," she said. "I mean, I know what a great honor that has been bestowed on us, but I still can't visualize it."

Tony, however, has a clearer picture of what the moment might be like, remembering the papal visit to Yankee Stadium earlier this year.

"I remember watching it on TV and saying, 'Wow, can you just imagine being one of those 60,000 people there? That would be unbelievable,'" he said. "And now there are going to be 300 of us."

And while Tina is looking forward to sightseeing, shopping and tasting the local cuisine, she said the most important thing is Retrouvaille's message of hope and healing that will reverberate throughout the Roman weekend.

"The undercurrent is that we're victors because we made a commitment to our marriage and we continue to keep our family together," she said. "If we can save one family through this, then it's all worth the while."

For more information about the upcoming Santa Clarita Retrouvaille weekend, from Nov. 7 to 9, call the Ruizes at (661) 257-7980.

To learn more about Retrouvaille, visit helpourmarriage.com.