Booklet provides pointers on talking with aging parents about assisted care
By Angela Randazzo Special to the Acorn

It can be very difficult to speak with an aging parent about assisted living.

To aid those facing this often uncomfortable discussion, Home Instead Senior Care is offering a free booklet called "The 40-70 Rule: A Guide to Conversation Starters for Boomers and their Senior Loved Ones."

Simi Valley franchise owners Laurie and Don Reid started offering the booklet as an educational tool in January. Home Instead provides housekeeping, companionship and other in-home care to seniors. It has regional offices across the country.

The 40-70 rule means if you're 40 and your parents are 70, it's time to start the conversation

"It helps children of elderly parents to communicate with them," Laurie Reid said of the booklet. "The 40 stands for children in their 40s or maybe 50s that have parents in their 70s or 80s. The guide gives the children the right questions to ask their parents."

Laurie Dickinson, senior service manager at the Simi Valley Senior Center, said it can be just as difficult a topic for the kids as it can be for their parents.

"The hardest thing for an adult child is realizing that their parent may need some assistance," Dickinson said. "The role is changing. The parent has always been the caregiver. The children are now going to be the caregiver of the parent."

Among the concerns adult children have for their aging parents is erratic driving, hygiene, finances and even romance, she said.

"As the parents are getting older, the adult children are concerned about them living alone or getting enough nutrition," Dickinson said. "Talking to a parent early is a good idea."

But certain issues are more difficult to address than others, like, for instance, a parent's bladder control problem.

"How to approach delicate topics is a concern. Like 'Mom, you're having accidents. You really need to use some kind of Depends,'" Dickinson said. "Adult children need to approach these topics in a way that retains their parent's dignity."

According to Reid, knowing what a parent wants before he or she is unable to communicate due to mental or physical decline is vital.

"As parents age, dementia might come into play, and parents might not be able to make decisions," she said. "It would be nice if the children knew what their parents wanted."

Last year, Home Instead Senior Care surveyed 1,000 baby boomers by phone in the United States and Canada. The resulting study suggests the group has difficulty talking to parents about independence issues.

"They still feel like the child," Reid said, adding, "This seems to affect boomers more than other generations."

The senior center offers information and workshops on related topics. Different agencies, like the Alzheimer's Association, come to the center to address the concerns of adult children and their parents.

"Oftentimes we get adult children who meet with our senior advocate with or without their parent to talk about a situation," Dickinson said. "We refer people to different to agencies depending what the situation is."

For a free copy of the "40-70 Rule" call Home Instead Senior Care at (805) 577-0926 or visit www.4070talk.com for more information.