Simi woman on a mission to help widows heal
By Darleen Principe darleen@theacorn.com

WENDY PIERRO/Acorn Newspapers LOVE LOST- Michele Hernandez poses in her Simi Valley home with a photo of her late husband Phillip who was killed in 2005. Hernandez is the founder of Widow Match and is also writing a book about dealing with her spouse's death.

Michele Neff Hernandez has transformed her grief into a mission for healing.

It's been more than two years since the 38-year-old Simi Valley resident lost her husband, Phillip, after a fatal bicycle accident on Long Canyon Road.

She's come a long way since then, thanks especially to the help of a unique friend, one who truly understands what she goes through on a day-to-day basis while trying to cope with the loss of the man she calls her "other half."

Just months after Phillip's death, 38-year-old Michelle Dippel of Texas lost her husband to throat cancer and was going through the same grieving process as Hernandez. The close timing of the two tragedies, and perhaps fate, brought the women together.

"We just listen," Hernandez said. "Being able to say whatever you need to say, knowing that the other person has experienced the same thing, you don't have to be afraid that you're going to scare them off. You have an outlet, and the opportunity to not have to walk it alone."

The pen-pal relationship that began between Hernandez and Dippel in 2005 has now developed into a powerful "widow's bond," Hernandez said, and it inspired her to create the Widow Match program- to help other women in similar situations cope.

Since the free Webbased program launched two months ago, 215 widows all over the country have signed up, and more sign up each day. It's a place were they can share their experiences with one another, and provide the type of comfort and understanding that other friends or family might not necessarily be able to provide.

"The thing about grief is that if you're not grieving, you tend to be very careful around people who are," Hernandez said. "But with Michelle (Dippel), we weren't careful with each other. It was okay to say, 'It's been a horrible day.'

"If you said things like that to your family, they'd be really worried about you. But because we had each other, we could agree that things were horrible. It's different having Michelle to bounce things off of. We know we can be really honest and unfiltered in our responses to each other."

The two started email correspondence shortly after being introduced by Hernandez's brotherinlaw, who is also Dippel's cousin. Since becoming friends, they talk on the phone on a regular basis, take turns visiting each other and use their story to prove how the bond between widows can aid the healing process.

"I can't imagine how I would have done it without her," Dippel said. "It's pretty amazing- walking the same path at the same time. We always joke that we saved each other thousands of dollars in therapy."

Dippel said she's doing much better than she was two years ago.

"Overall, you can't sit back," she said. "Life is going to keep moving forward whether you do or not, so you just do."

Hernandez said her parallels with Dippel- being the same age, being mothers and experiencing loss at the same time- helped them connect very well.

She uses the same three criteria to match widows who sign up for the program.

Those who register answer questions regarding age, parenthood and date of loss, and then are matched up with three others whose circumstances are most like theirs. Women all over- from California to Louisiana to Alaska- have found the program and have sent responses to Hernandez, thanking her for what she's done.

"It's become a ministry for me and I don't see myself getting away from it," Hernandez said. "It's a part of who I am now. It's a part of my story."

Hernandez is currently writing a book called "The Healing Power of the Widow's Bond." For more information on her book or to sign up for the Widow Match program, visit www.widowsbond.com.