Breaking down, breaking open . . . breaking through

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that it's heart may stand in the sun, so must you know your pain." - Kahlil Gibran I believe as we spiritually awaken, the pathway we each have to walk is that which ultimately leads us to our authentic "self," which lies in silent repose awaiting our recognition of it.

We knew who we were the day we were born and have slowly forgotten it with each passing day as we moved into and through the human experience laced with all of challenges, difficulties, dramas and diversions. In short, we've developed a sort of spiritual amnesia.

Because of this, I believe that the majority of the people on this planet are unconsciously avoiding that journey back to the authentic self because it requires us to face our deepest fears and pain. This is indeed sad because we are all destined, sooner or later, to rediscover our true self. It's not a question of if, but rather when, that will happen.

While it is a simple thing to intellectually understand, this journey back to the authentic self is not easy, nor is it always pleasant.

Why? Because it requires us to traverse over the fallow ground of our own past emotional pain and suffering that we have inflicted on ourselves as well as others.

I say "fallow ground" somewhat tongueincheek, but sometimes we look at our past traumadramas as something we never want to "grow through" again. Who cannot relate to that sentimentality?

The saving grace lies in knowing we don't have to re-create the authentic self, we simply need to reveal what is already there- most often buried under layers and layers of memories and experiences kept alive by the very pain and sorrow these experiences created.

Rather than pull away or deny that pain, which is the normal tendency, the deeper wisdom within beckons us to come closer and expose this pain to the light so that we might see the authentic self more clearly.

In his book "How Then Shall We Live?" Wayne Muller writes: "Within the sorrow, there is grace. When we come close to those things that break us down, we touch those things that also break us open. And in that breaking open, we uncover our true nature."

It is often said in recovery groups that one needs to break down before one can break through. This simply means allowing it to be okay to be with your pain, with your sorrow, with your fears, disappointments and sadness.

Embrace it all and, as they say in the East, "dance with it."

The closer we can embrace our pain, and what caused it, without allowing the victim-self to lead the dance, the closer we shall be to our true nature, which knows only unconditional love.

Our true nature, our authentic self, our Higher Power- call it what you may- is the very essence of infinite intelligence, individuated as you and I.

That authentic self is waiting ever so patiently for you to break open that shell that has enclosed your understanding of just how amazingly beautiful life is in this holy instant, even with all of its pain, sorrows and uncertainties.

If you have been holding on to pain and sorrow beyond the point of what serves your opening into wholeness, may this be the day you break though the shell that has kept your pain and sorrow alive.

Shed the light on it and be at peace.

Dennis Merritt Jones is the spiritual director for OneSpirit Center for Conscious Living in Simi Valley. To see more of his writings, please check out www.DennisMerrittJones.com or visit www.OneSpirit.org