Our first Christmas

The trouble began when my wife and I told our parents that we'd spend Christmas Day alone.

On previous years, we either woke up on Christmas Day in my parents' home in Northern California, to spend the holiday there, or we woke up in our own home and went to my in-laws' place to open presents there.

This year, my wife and I decided that we wanted to stay in our own home for Christmas Day to open presents. We'd give our 4year-old son a chance to enjoy the holiday here.

When I was a kid, I remember I hated having to go to someone else's house for Christmas Day. I enjoyed seeing my grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and family friends, but I wanted to stay home and play with my new toys from Santa.

Our rules

This year, my wife and I want to get up when we happen to wake up- on our own schedule.

This year, we might want to stay in our pajamas all day. I might not even shave. God help us, I might not even shower.

This year, I might want to skip breakfast and lunch altogether, and fill up on holiday fudge. I don't care if I have fudge coming out of my ears, out of my pores. I don't care if I get sick to my stomach. That's what Brioschi is for.

This year, my wife and I want to watch the all-day marathon of "A Christmas Story," that wonderful Christmas movie about a kid and his quest to get a BB gun from Santa.

That's right. I want to watch the movie over and over all day long. I don't care how many times I see that kid get the BB gun at the end of the picture; I always worry there's a chance the ending might be different and he won't get what he wants.

This year, I don't want to clean up any torn and crumpled wrapping paper from gifts we'd opened. I want to lie there in it, bask in it, slumber in it all day long after a victorious bout with our presents.

Our dilemma

Aside from feeling a little selfish for wanting to have Christmas alone, my wife and I created some problems.

I think we hurt our parents' feelings. It's not like we're rejecting our family- we are spending the prior weekend and Christmas Eve with the family. My wife and I just want to start our own traditions for Christmas Day. Is that a bad thing?

So as soon as I phrase that question, "Is that a bad thing," I immediately begin answering it in

my head.

Yes, it's a bad thing. I'm the one who's always complaining about not having enough family gatherings. As a kid, my big ItalianAmerican family got together all the time. These days, the cousins, aunts and uncles come together for weddings and funerals only. I want my son to be around his family as much as possible.

Yes, it's a bad thing because Christmas isn't about presents. It's about family, and now my wife and I are selfishly cutting off our families from seeing us on Christmas Day so that we can devour our fudge and Christmas gifts alone.

Yes, it's a bad thing, because we hurt our parents' feelings. They wanted to see us, and we're denying them access.

Our solution So we called our parents and said we'd be happy to share Christmas Day with them. We told them that after thinking about it, we'd realized we'd made a mistake.

The response: "No, you need to start your own memories, your own traditions; you make your own rules. It's your Christmas. You can have it."

And so it looks like we'll get our own Christmas after all this year. I fear we may have buttered our bread for the next few years as well.

E-mail Michael Picarella at pic@nappic.com or visit www .myspace.com/familymen.