Directed by: David R. Ellis Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Julianna Margulies, Byron Lawson, Kenan Thompson, Rachel Blanchard Rating: R (for adult language, nudity, graphic violence and lotsa snakebites) Running time: 105 minutes Best suited for: anybody who'd even consider seeing a film titled "Snakes on a Plane" Least suited for: aviophobes and ophidiophobes (and especially aviophobic ophidiophobes) "Snakes on a Plane" is a wickedly, deliciously, delightfully bad flick-the kind of movie that's almost so bad it's great. This one comes close, almost so bad that it's pretty decent. The premise is flimsy, the setup lame, the acting pitiful and the dialogue mostly horrendous. But once a few hundred lethal, pheromonecrazed snakes are set free aboard a Boeing 747-well, that's when the fun begins.

How'd they manage to get all those snakes on the plane? Nobody bothers to elaborate. Do we care? Nah. Nothing's made any sense up to this point anyway. When the screaming begins, all is forgiven, because those of us who've come to see "Snakes on a Plane" know what to expect. (That would be snakes. On a plane.) And we are not disappointed by the slithery onslaught that follows.

*But, really-go see it anyway. Here's how it all comes to pass (not that it matters either). FBI agent Nelville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) escorts material witness Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips) aboard Pacific Air flight 121 to Los Angeles after Jones stumbles upon the assassination of a D.A. in Hawaii. But the killer manages to sneak a crate of snakes onto the aircraft, with a timed mechanism set to release the slithering hoard once the plane is midway to its destination.

A cast of usual disaster-film suspects are buckled in for the six-hour flight across the Pacific. One can't help but immediately predict the victims. Might they include the young Mile-High couple bumping and grinding in the lavatory, the airsick honeymooners, the two young brothers traveling solo for the first time, the kung-fu master, the famous rapper with his two hulking bodyguards or the pretty blonde with a yapping Chihuahua in her purse? Numerous nameless extras also get their two seconds of cinematic, snake-bitten glory, and nary an appendage goes unstruck in this one. What a delectable smorgasbord set before the crazed reptiles. Oh, and did I mention the lightning storm raging outside the plane?

These are not going to be friendly skies.

Some might be aware that "Snakes on a Plane" has foregone the usual pre-release screenings, instead gaining momentum via massive Internet support ( la "The Blaire Witch Project"-another notoriously mediocre film). Several new scenes were added to "Snakes" after initial shooting, altering its original PG-13 rating to R. One can imagine some harried producer shouting, "We need sex in a bathroom! Give me sex

in a bathroom!" After all, what's the point of snakes on a plane without sex in a bathroom? Come to think of it, this one could easily have been titled "Sex in a Bathroom." Or "Dead Pilot in Cockpit." Or "FBI Agent in Bad Mood."

But I digress.

Reportedly, added footage included Samuel L. Jackson's already-famous battle cry, "I have had it with all these !&@#&! snakes aboard this !%#$&?! plane!" Anyone aware of Mr. Jackson's favorite utterance will have no trouble filling in the blanks, and the comment brought a huge cheer from the audience. Frankly, this was probably the best line of dialogue in the film- which tells you something-although if you're still paying attention to the dialogue at that point, you're probably in the wrong theater.

I'm also obliged to tell you that my wife spent much of the film with her hand at her mouth, alternately stifling giggles and gasps, depending upon whether the snakes were on-camera or not. And just who jumped more during the film-my wife, my stepson or me, or that !@%$#&! screamer in the back of the theater-well, that's too close to call. Clearly, if you can't have fun at this one, rent "Pride and Prejudice" and have a ball.

In a nutshell: The film's title pretty much says it all. This one's bad. I loved it. Go figure.