Dennis Miller

When Dennis Miller was a little boy, he was enthralled by a book that featured a fire truck with a face. He decided he’d be a fire truck when he grew up.

That didn’t work out for the man from Pittsburgh.

Instead Miller became a five-time Emmy Award-winning talk show host, a six-year "Weekend Update" correspondent on "Saturday Night Live," an analyst on ABC’s "Monday Night Football," host of CNBC’s "Dennis Miller" and a best-selling author.

Last week Miller, 51, who never presumes that people will like what he says, mixed pointed observations on politics and culture in his appearance at the Civic Arts Plaza’s Kavli Theatre in Thousand Oaks as part of its Distinguished Speaker Series.

Miller, who in recent years made the switch from being a Democrat to a Republican, said he has little use for the "blame Bush" group. And, comparing President Bush to Sen. John Kerry during the November election, he said that Bush was the checkers player and Kerry the chess player.

In a salute to President Bush, he said, "I thank (him) for allowing me to respect the American presidency again."

Commenting on Howard Dean’s run for president, Miller had a question about the qualifications of a man who "was the head guy in a state where you pound a nail in a tree and hang a pail."

The speaker said it’s time to "get back to common sense," adding that Gov. Gray Davis "was not the answer (for California)." However, Miller said, he’s not sure about Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Miller called Sen. Robert Byrd (D.-W.Va.) "Foghorn Legiron." He said that Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-San Francisco) always "looks surprised that she got the job and that Tipper Gore is "so tight she walks with her legs crossed."

Regarding North Korea, he said, "Drop the nuke bomb on their nuke bomb test" to make the point.

He referred to Iraq as East Korea, and about North Korean leader Kim Jong Il, he said that "you don’t usually get to lead a country when you look that weird."

Miller suggested placating the Palestinians by giving them casinos, which already have names like The Sands and The Desert Inn.

Musing about those in Iraq who would kill suicide bombers before they killed others, Miller said that it’s a bad thing when they’re trying to "kill themselves and somebody beats them to it."

The United States is a target today, he said, because there is no longer a Soviet Union. He added, "We are the most hated, coveted, feared country."

Miller said he doesn’t trust anybody but Israel and is not fond of Germany or France. Regarding the latter nation, he said, "They had to invent perfume. It was in self-defense."

While some groups are focused on saving the planet, Miller said that he "can’t worry about the earth (because) I’m spending too much time worrying about the world."

The speaker recently toured the United Nations and said that on the "U.N. tour even the guidebook was spineless."

As to those who would cast aspersions on Starbucks for charging so much money for a cup of coffee, Miller said, "I don’t begrudge them their wealth." And during a question/answer period after the prepared remarks, Miller said that he "likes rich guys. This is America."

But about Levi Straus, he said he’d appreciate it if they’d no longer print the waist size on the outside of trousers. "That was OK when I was a size 30," he said, but since his frame has increased beyond that, advertising the waist size has become a problem.

With reference to the national deficit, he said that it’s "going through the roof," but he asked his audience, "Does it impact you? So we actually owe somebody that money? Don’t pay."

He’s not a racist. "Why hate based on the color of skin when if you get to know someone you can find so many other reasons?" Miller asked.

And about Michael Jackson, the speaker said Jackson is an example of the fact that "you can have everything and have nothing."

As Miller takes his act to TV each night and on the road to audiences across the nation, he does have some favorite moments. The best part of his day? "Being finished," he said.